


the phantom thieves but every time someone says something gay it gets faster

by poetic_leopard



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Canon Divergence, F/F, Group Chat Fic, M/M, Meme Hell, Multi, basically everyone is gay or ace, i know this is unoriginal but ehh, lame humor, no heterosexuals or neurotypicals we die like men, pre-warning: this is Stupid, rated S for eventual spoilers, some plot eventually probably, the timeline hasn't been established yet so bear with me here, this is sort of an au where akechi is Saved n becomes one of the good guys k
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-22 08:10:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15577548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poetic_leopard/pseuds/poetic_leopard
Summary: crepes (｡♥‿♥｡): akira discipline ur childrenjoker: Hi, I'm Akira Kurusu, and I approve of this message.crepes (｡♥‿♥｡): what did i ever do to deserve this fuckery[in which, a new group chat is born, ann is done with just about everyone's shit and makoto has a confession].





	1. thot patrol: assemble

**Author's Note:**

> names if it isn't obvious:  
> alibaba/mnmedjed - futaba  
> joker/akirak - akira/MC  
> crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)/anntakamaki - ann  
> captainrukiddinme/skullface - ryuji  
> fleur❀/missconfetti - haru  
> makoto & yusuke use their proper names like Responsible Adults  
> p.s their nicknames change later on
> 
> Lowkey inspired by @kyuniichi’s [tumblr post](https://www.google.com.au/amp/kyuniichi.tumblr.com/post/164951589727/persona-5-groupchat-head-canons-kinda-spoilery/amp)
> 
> also inspired by [if 2 phantom thieves were on the moon and one killed the other with a rock would that be fucked up or what by mellofricker](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10899048/chapters/24511326) & [aizawa shouta and his thirty something kids by kafka_s](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13874067/chapters/31918542)
> 
> i know it's a long chapter to start off the next will probably be shorter!

**_#welcome_  
**  
_Welcome to the beginning of the chat.  
_  
  
**alibaba** _just joined the server - glhf!_  
  
**alibaba:** y’all can thank me later  
  
**alibaba:** now, go wild kids!!!   
  
**alibaba** : actually… pls migrate over to the #general channel when u see this  
  
**alibaba:** i’m trying to keep this thing at least… semi organised? ??  
  
**alibaba:** awhh who am i kidding (￣Д￣；；  
  
**alibaba:** this is all gonna blow up in our faces real quick  
  
  
**_#general_  
****  
** **joker** _is here, as the prophecy foretold._  
  
_A_ **alibaba** _has spawned in the server._  
  
_Cheers, love!_ **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** _'s here!_  
  
**captainrukiddinme** _has joined your party._

 **captainrukiddinme:** fcuckin noice  
**  
** **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡):** oh no  
**  
** **joker:** Futaba, your explanation?  
  
**alibaba:**  ┐(ﾟ～ﾟ)┌   
  
**alibaba:** it’s kinda self-explanatory tho??  
  
**captainrukiddinme:** dude  
  
**captainrukiddinme:** we desperately needed like a normal human gc where we aren’t just like  
  
**captainrukiddinme:** constantly talking about all the ass we’re gonna whoop  
  
**captainrukiddinme:** and it also constitutes as an emergency  
  
**alibaba:** yes!!! the u t m o s t emergency  
  
**captainrukiddinme:** a tragedy  
  
**alibaba:** _a disaster of immeasurable proportions_  
  
**captainrukiddinme:** casualties in the thousands   
  
**alibaba:** men women and children  
  
****captainrukiddinme:**** burning buildings  
  
**alibaba:**  crashing helicopters   
  
**captainrukiddinme:** chaos at every turn   
  
**joker:** You can't see me but I'm tapping my foot like an impatient detective from a 60's noir right now.  
  
**joker:**  Answers before I waterboard you all.  
  
**crepes (｡♥‿♥｡):** wow joker is scary >:/  
  
**alibaba:** nah he's just been watching too many B rated movies up in his room lately  
  
**joker:** It's for my guts б（＞ε＜）∂  
  
**alibaba:** really!? because u were squealing like a frightened schoolgirl last night before u came bolting downstairs in nothing but a pair of spongebob boxers asking sojiro and me to get rid of the spider in ur room  
  
**alibaba:** andsojiro hands him an entire broom right? thinking it was gonna be like the size of a racoon or something  
  
**crepes (｡♥‿♥｡):** wait so was it at least a big spider?  
  
**alibaba:** the lil baby was the size of my fingernail  
  
**captainrukiddinme:** was it at least ur thumb's fingernail?

 **alibaba:** pINKY  
  
**crepes (｡♥‿♥｡):** seriously akira ?  
  
**joker:** What?!  
  
**joker:**  Look, I can handle every unholy abomination of shadow but spiders? naw fuck that  
  
**joker:** Those bitches be shipped straight from the depths of hell   
  
**alibaba:** now i'm just imagining that the underworld has their own amazon  
  
**joker:** one word: shady commodities   
  
**alibaba:** that's two words u shitmuffin   
  
**alibaba:** also wtf r u doing on there  
  
**alibaba:** that's one of the dodgiest sites i've ever been to and u can't even find it on the surface web  
  
**alibaba:** how the hell did u gain access to it  
  
**joker:** I don't trust their beady eyes okay and why the hell do they need so many legs?!  
  
**joker:** Anytime I look at one I feel like its crawling all over me.   
  
**joker:** They're 100% freshly squeezed spawns of satan  
  
**alibaba:** -___-   
  
**alibaba:** you know what? nvm  
  
**alibaba:** i'll sneak into ur room l8tr and find out for myself  
  
**joker:** And you're not sneaking into my room and also stop swearing.  
  
**alibaba:** how about: no

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : akira u can't possibly be a good influence tbh   
  
**alibaba:** don't give him credit for my potty mouth   
  
**joker:** Getting back to the point though, are we really doing this?  
  
**captainrukiddinme:** ok tbh it’s not that deep  
  
**captainrukiddinme:** futaba and i basically needed a safe place to dump memes ok  
  
**captainrukiddinme:** a place free of judgement and ridicule  
**_  
_** **alibaba:** and also just for like,,, solidarity  
  
**crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : um, no offense but i think that you guys got the ridicule part covered all by yourselves  
  
**alibaba:** r00D!  
  
**captainrukiddinme:** uncalled for ann  
  
**crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i mean tbh i don’t actually hate the idea  
  
**joker:** Ok, if this is really what the people want  
  
**joker:** Then who am I to go against the grain  
  
**joker:** Oh that’s right, your appointed leader???  
  
**alibaba:** u ain’t the boss of me  
  
**crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : wow cocky much  
  
**joker:** but it’s true…  
  
**joker:** I mean, I didn’t ask for this?  
  
**joker:** You guys literally gave me no other choice.  
  
**joker:** You were like ‘please take this heavy moral burden off of our wimpy shoulders and take charge, akira’  
  
**crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : ouch  
  
**captainrukiddinme:** holy shit that’s lowkey savage  
  
**alibaba:** [shooketh.mov](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzDFNj4Y-Q8)  
  
**captainrukiddinme:** u don’t have to play cool so just admit it  
  
**captainrukiddinme:** u totally dig the idea too akira  
  
**joker:**  Me? into shitposting?  
  
**joker:** I’m literally working constantly! I don’t get the time to shitpost  
  
**captainrukiddinme:** irrelevant  
  
**captainrukiddinme:** u Make time for shitposting if u truly respect the art  
  
**alibaba:** seconded  
  
**joker:** By the way, Futaba  
  
**joker:** I thought you weren’t gonna call yourself alibaba anymore  
  
**crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : ooh yeaa  
  
**alibaba:** ok imma set some ground rules so listen up bitches  
  
**alibaba:** 1) don’t come for my brand  
  
**alibaba:** 2) i can’t abandon my street cred  
  
**alibaba:** 3) insult the founder of this fine establishment = u getting ur thotty ass kicked out  
  
**alibaba:** 4) no expired memes (except inari, we allow him)((begrudgingly)  
  
**alibaba:** 5) did i say No. Expired. Memes. because i mean that shit  
  
**captainrukiddinme:** we’re v passionate abt our memes here  
  
**alibaba:** i’m sorry i don’t make the rules  
  
**crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : actually you kinda just did?  
  
**joker:** Morgana says we’re all expired memes  
  
**joker:** but i think he’s just being salty because he can’t type with his lil cat paws  
  
**alibaba:** i’m the admin of this place  
  
**alibaba:** i hold all the cards  
  
**alibaba:** i have solitary rule  
  
**alibaba:** bow to me, peasants!  
  
**captainrukiddinme:** great! it’s her palace all over again  
  
**joker:** but significantly less depressing  
  
**_Makoto Nijima_ ** _has arrived. Party's over._  
  
**alibaba:** aksahhgjshh sorry makoto  
  
**alibaba:** i swear i don’t control these things  
  
**captainrukiddinme:** i’m cry laughin rn  
  
**Makoto Nijima:** This is doable, although it worries me to no end...  
  
**Makoto Nijima:** I must admit, I’m glad that the official chat will no longer be spammed with Futaba and Ryuji’s arbitrary and seemingly inexhaustible supply of memes and strange Youtube videos.  
  
**alibaba:** the stuff i send you guys is pure obscure gold ok  
  
**alibaba:** i sacrifice a tiny bit of my sanity everyday to provide it to you  
  
**alibaba:** i literally dig through the bowels of the deep web for scraps to feed you  
  
**alibaba:** and this is the thanks i get?  
  
**alibaba:** smh  
  
**alibaba:** i see how it is now  
  
**alibaba:** （；＿；）

 **Makoto Nijima:** That sounds concerning, and slightly illegal, but I trust you, Futaba.

 **alibaba:** oh it’s VERY illegal

 **Makoto Nijima:** You do know my sister’s a prosecutor, right?

 **alibaba:** i’m picking up your statement about trust and hurling it right back @ u

 **Makoto Nijima:** Do you have to force me into a tight spot like that?

 **alibaba:** ༼☯﹏☯༽

 **Makoto Nijima:** Fine...

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : hey makoto you forget about akira and his biweekly cat spams

 **Makoto Nijima:** Well... the cat pictures are permitted, on account of being undeniably cute.

 **joker:**  Ha!

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : hey guys  
  
**crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : is it just me or is this like… the most joker has texted back, like ever?

 **Makoto Nijima:** He does tend to be a man of few words.

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : he’s spoken more in this newborn discord chat than he has over the past six months in the official group

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i’m worried he’s been replaced with a government clone

 **captainrukiddinme:** holy shit now that u mention it,,, yea

 **captainrukiddinme:** akira

 **captainrukiddinme:** m y d u d e

 **captainrukiddinme:** did you harvest a personality overnight?

 **alibaba:** get rekt

 **Makoto Nijima:** Wouldn’t you have to plant and consecutively grow something first, in order to then harvest it at a later time?

 **alibaba:** where’s haru when u need her

 **captainrukiddinme:** duhh i knew that

 **captainrukiddinme:** we helped him grow a personality u guys!

 **captainrukiddinme:**  he’s spent months hanging out with us

 **captainrukiddinme:** and idk about y’all basic bitches but i basically ooze personality

 **alibaba:** full offense but ryuji you are the basicest of bitches

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : um you have the personality of a worn out pair of shoes

 **joker:** you have the personality of a cold fry

 **alibaba:** you have the personality of an orange skittle 

 **captainrukiddinme:** hey i happen to like orange skittles!

 **alibaba:** #blockedt  
  
**joker:** basically not a basic bitch - was your pun intentional?

 **alibaba:** also

 **alibaba:** _:BANNED: for improper use of the word ‘ooze’_

 **alibaba:** actually every use of that word is improper. just don't use it. ever.

 **alibaba:** it's on the list of blacklisted words now along with moist, kamoshida and crocs

 **joker:** I think Yusuke owns a pair.

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : why am i not surprised dlfshakjhhss

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : also ugh... the K word

 **joker:** Illegal. 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : kill it with fire

 **alibaba:** gonna do it rn

 **alibaba:**  and i didn’t actually ban u but that’s strike 1, blondie

 **captainrukiddinme:** if u guys are done tag teaming on me let’s not divert from the matter at hAND,,,

 **captainrukiddinme:** which is figuring out whether or not akira is possessed

 **joker:** I just don’t like to mix business and pleasure

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : ew don’t say pleasure like that u make it sound weird u weirdo

 **alibaba:** _:BANNED: improper use of the word ‘pleasure’_

 **Makoto Nijima:** Futaba, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but it’s been five minutes and this group chat is already a flaming post-apocalyptic wasteland of nonsensicality.

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : that was vaguely poetic

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i feel like yusuke’s gonna be impressed

 **joker:** Ah yes! The sheerly vivid imagery! The metaphorical outpour of decadence and squalor! I must depict the essence of this immediately! Now, where might my paintbrush be?

 **alibaba:** lmfaaooo 6.5/10 not bad, joker

 **captainrukiddinme:** embrace the madness makoto!

 **captainrukiddinme:** also ur literally the poster child for that whole post-apocalyptic genre

 **captainrukiddinme:** those spikes on ur suit? 

 **captainrukiddinme:** u could rlly wreck someone's shit with those

 **captainrukiddinme:** so actually u would just be finally accepting who u really are

 **Makoto Nijima:** I would prefer not to grace that statement with a response.

 **alibaba:** i’ve created a monster mwehehehe

 **alibaba:** i am so proud of my baby

 **alibaba:** is this what frankenstein felt like??

 **alibaba:** this is it!

 **alibaba:** my legacy! my masterpiece! my magnum opus!

 **Makoto Nijima:**...Ignoring that,

 **Makoto Nijima:** I’m going to go study, which by the way, everyone here sans Futaba should be doing, anyway. Must I remind you that midterms are fast approaching?

 **captainrukiddinme:** actually, i was really enjoying myself out here in the land of blissful ignorance, and then u had to ruin it so thanks

 **alibaba:** have fun being model students, suckerzzz

 **alibaba:** imma go rescue my guild from eternal damnation

 **alibaba:** they’re getting their asses handed to them rn

 **joker:** Hey don’t swear!

 **alibaba:** i’ll be swearing here whether u like it or not, akira

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : aww look at you being the responsible big brother!

 **alibaba:** he’s the woRST

 **alibaba:** he always pats me on the head like a loser

 **joker:** Futaba, you literally ask me to do that.

 **joker:** Like, regularly.

 **alibaba:** what

 **alibaba:** i'm sorry i CAN'T HEAR U OVER THE SOUND OF U BEING A LOSER

 **alibaba:** taking Ls left right n centre 

 **alibaba** : plus u can’t clean up an already corrupted file

 **alibaba:** unless ur a master hacker……..which unlike me akira’s NOT

 **alibaba:** o shit g2g

 **alibaba:** oh and later i’ll be making some…. Special changes to the chat group

 **alibaba:** so look forward to it!

 **alibaba:** now i gotta make like a cheetah and dash off

 _Good bye my old friend_ **alibaba**

 **joker:** I swear she’s got an endless supply of those

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : anddddd she’s out

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i guess i should go study too, huh

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : but really i’m just gonna inhale an entire bag of doritos and then do my nails

 **captainrukiddinme:** what flavour

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : sweet n spicy

 **captainrukiddinme:** cool ranch is better

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : nope we’re not doing this rn

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : actually screw all that i wanna have a 5 hour phone call with the bae

 **captainrukiddinme:** yea speaking of shiho how’s she adjusting?

 **Makoto Nijima:** Have you heard of commas, Ryuji?

 **captainrukiddinme:** nAH but i’ve heard of ur momma  
  
**crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : omg that was painfully stupid

 **captainrukiddinme:** oh shit….

 **captainrukiddinme:** …

 **captainrukiddinme:** oh no,,,,,,,

 **joker:** Rest in pieces 

 **Isaac BOT:** _see you next level_ **@skullface**

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : you’ve really done it now

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : even the bot senses your upcoming doom

 **joker:** Notice how ryuji can always take a fucked up situation, and make it fuckier? - M

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i didn’t know morgana had a sailor’s mouth

 **joker:**  I apologize for my crude sentence structure, lady-ann, i promise it’s only when it comes to that lame bottle blonde - M

 **captainrukiddinme:** pls i’m sorry it was a joke in bad taste

 **captainrukiddinme:** pls don’t run me over with your motorcycle

 **Makoto Nijima:** …

 **Makoto Nijima:** That was actually kind of funny.

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : wow makoto you’re really cool u know that

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : even if u have rlly poor taste in humor

 **Makoto Nijima:** Why, thank you. I think you’re quite cool yourself, Takamaki-San.

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : hey, what did we discuss about using honorifics?

 **Makoto Nijima:** Oh, right. I apologize, Ann.

 **joker:** My gay senses are tingling

 **captainrukiddinme:** they’re always tingling tho cuz u gay

 **joker:** Correction I’m half-gay but u know what i’ll give it to you

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i think i just heard makoto internally sigh

 **Makoto Nijima:** Believe me, I’m sighing externally, too.

 **joker:** We love you makoto

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** :  yea we love u makoto!

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : thanks for tolerating us

 **captainrukiddinme:** so… shiho?

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : yea she really likes it at her new school and she sounds genuinely happy whenever we talk

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i think this is the new beginning that she needed

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i miss her a lot… but we still see each other every chance we get

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i’m taking her out this weekend

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : it’s gonna be spectacularly gay

 **captainrukiddinme:** nice to hear that!

 **joker:** ooo get some

 **joker:** Mostly so that I can live vicariously through you because I am currently getting none. 

 **joker:** Which is ironic, because not to brag but like, everyone I meet is usually attracted to me in some form or another.

 **alibaba:** that statement is false^  
  
**alibaba:** and if it makes you feel any worse,

 **alibaba:** personally, i find u repulsive

 **joker:** Your opinion doesn't count, you're my sister.

 **joker:** Also, you're ace.

 **alibaba:** being ace has nothing to do with my ability to measure attractive qualities in a person

 **alibaba:** i can still distinguish greek god from bridge troll 

 **alibaba:** and i'm afraid u fall into the latter category

 **joker:** Okay **,** thanks for your input, now why don't you retreat back into the cave you crawled out of?

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : hey, i thought u left!

 **alibaba:** it's the internet

 **alibaba:** this is my domain bitches

 **alibaba:** i'm kinda sorta omnipotent here

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : ok true

 **joker:** Anyway, please, go and get that ass, Ann! 

 **joker:** Get that ass for the sake of all of us

 **Makoto Nijima:** Akira, no.

 **Makoto Nijima:** I wish the both of you a wonderful weekend, though.

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : oh trust me, i will try my best   
  
**crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : and thanks makoto ^_^

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : alright, i’m gonna go for real now

 **Makoto Nijima:** I shall sign off as well.

 **Makoto Nijima:** And guys? Please do not use this new chat group as an excuse to stay up late or neglect your responsibilities, that is all that I ask.

 **joker:** aye aye captain!

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : yes mom

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** _has left_

 **Isaac BOT:** S _mell ya later @_ **Makoto Nijima**

 **captainrukiddinme:** welp. we’re off to a great start

 **joker:** yes

 **captainrukiddinme:** wait for real or was that sarcasm!?

 **joker:**...yes

 **captainrukiddinme:** you’re a confusing dude, akira

 **joker: (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞  
**

**  
joker:**  Hey do you guys ever wonder what it would be like to fuck a shadow

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : akira what the fuck

 **alibaba:** nOpe

 **alibaba:** bags of nOPE

 **alibaba:** centUREIS OF FUCKING NOPE

 **alibaba:** i'm outta here

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : um, no because we're not insane???

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : and also,,, yuck?

 **joker:** Oh come on, it's not like *that!*

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : then what's it like?

 **captainrukiddinme:** sounds p clear cut to me my dude  
  
**captainrukiddinme:** u want to fuck a shadow

 **joker:** No but like you know how sometimes when we'll have a shadow surrounded and we get to negotiating and they spontaneously flirt?

 **joker:** Do u think they do it just to get out of the situation or like

 **joker:** Do they actually find us attractive

 **joker:** They're cognitive beings right? So what would even happen?

 **joker:** THEORETICALLY if i were to get with a shadow in kaneshiro's palace, for example

 **joker:**  Would that mean i'm indirectly getting with kaneshiro

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i just threw up in my mouth a little

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : akira sweetie u really need a hobby

 **joker:**  I have a hobby

 **joker:**  It's called kicking ass and taking names

 **captainrukiddinme:** kicking names and taking ass

 **joker:**  Naming asses and taking kicks

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : please stop

 **joker:**  Ok fine

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : anyway i have no idea but ur question disturbs me to no end

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i feel like i need to bleach my brain now

 **captainrukiddinme:** what happens in the metaverse stays in the metaverse amiright

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : no that's vegas u DINGUS 

 **joker:** Ann, you literally flirted with a fucking black ooze in okumura's palace 

 **captainrukiddinme:**  she! really! did! that

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : aikjskajska

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : shutupppp that was to help u!

 **joker:** Suuuuureee

 **captainrukiddinme:** a fucking b l a c k o o z e

 **captainrukiddinme:** not to kinkshame but a blob of sentient slime

 **captainrukiddinme:** really ann

 **joker:** She's really lowering her standards

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : u guys are horrible

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i hate u both

 **captainrukiddinme:** SHAME THAT KINK

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : goodbye

 **joker:** We're sorry, come back.

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : no

 **captainrukiddinme:** i'm not

 **captainrukiddinme:** ann's into slime

 **captainrukiddinme:** ann's slime-sexual #confirmed 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : STOP MAKING UP DISTURBING KINKS THAT DON'T EXIST

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : I HAVE A WHIP AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT

 **captainrukiddinme:** k i n k y

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : ahasjnkldnalkns hh

 **Isaac BOT:** _So long, sucker_ **@crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)**

 **joker** _has added_ **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** _to the server_

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : just let me part with this mortal realm in peace

 **captainrukiddinme:** akira started it

 **joker:** I'm sorry. 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : whatever

 **joker:**  Morgana just told me that he's worried about my mental health

 **captainrukiddinme:**  yeah

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : so are we 

 **  
  
alibaba** _has renamed the channel_ **#thotpatrol**

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : w h y

 **alibaba:** ryuji asked nicely

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : what did he promise u

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : instant ramen?

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : alcohol?

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : games? 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : the souls of the dead?

 **alibaba:** $$$$

 **alibaba:** he says he'll let me borrow the 800 yen i'm short for this special edition game

 **alibaba:** and i accepted bc that's smthng i would totally have sold my liver for

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : ugh

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : no wonder half the nation doesn't take us seriously 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : we can't even take ourselves seriously

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : akira discipline ur children

 **joker:** Hi, I'm Akira Kurusu, and I approve of this message.

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : what did i ever do to deserve this fuckery 

 **joker:** (^ц^ )  
  
 

 **joker:** Guys, I have made an executive decision.

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : oh i can't wait to hear this

 **Makoto Nijima:** Is everything alright, leader?

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i bet it's something stupid

 **joker:** You know, it's nice to know that my comrades have faith in me.

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : it's something stupid isn't it

 **joker:** I have decided to legally adopt Mishima

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : my newfound ability to predict ur heightening stupidity grows more concerning by the day

 **captainrukiddinme:**  u mean mishima yuuki   
  
**crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : the guy who runs the phan site?

 **joker:** Do we have any other spare Mishimas lying around? 

 **Makoto Nijima:** Akira, that's not how adoption works.

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : that's not how anything works

 **joker:** He is my son and we must protect him at all costs.

 **captainrukiddinme:**  dude fuck no

 **captainrukiddinme:**  what even makes u say that

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : he does give off like... this really sad vibe, sometimes

 **joker:** Right?

 **joker:** He's like a stray puppy but human

 **captainrukiddinme:**  that's just a stray human

 **alibaba:** a homeless human

 **alibaba:**  ooo like inari 

 **Makoto Nijima:** Oh, please. Yusuke is certainly not homeless. Plus, he has us.

 **captainrukiddinme:**  makoto that might be the sappiest shit you've ever said and i dig it

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : he's like an estranged winnie the pooh character

 **alibaba:**  he's like the cabbage guy from avatar the last airbender who constantly gets all his cabbages knocked down

 **joker** : He's like if the very notion of sadness had a face

 **alibaba:**  oh oh like that pixar movie!!!

 **captainrukiddinme:** yea i dunno bout y'all but i always feel like i've had a good night's cry after having a conversation w/ him

 **joker** : Ok now we're just dragging him

 **captainrukiddinme:** buhthat's how we show love

 **joker:** Guys, listen to me.

 **joker:** He's been bullied virtually all his life and I think he really just needs a place he can feel like he belongs.

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : he needs friends is what he needs

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i swear the other day i saw him just sitting there like a starved plant and deadass staring into his phone like it was about to detonate or something

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i think he was waiting for akira to message him

 **alibaba:** are u his only friend

 **joker:** Honestly? Probably. 

 **alibaba:** lol loser

 **joker:** Hey, let's not pretend like you've got friends besides us

 **alibaba:** i have plenty of friends

 **joker:** Oh yeah, where?

 **alibaba:** the ONLINE kind!!??

 **alibaba:** in fact i'm simultaneously talking to them rn on my other discord servers  

 **joker:** Yeah, your 'other' discord servers

 **captainrukiddinme:**  find out it's just futaba talking to herself from 4 different moniters

 **alibaba:** hey! i have a life outside of u fucks ok

 **joker:** Mishima is just like a sweet little parasite that feeds on you until you take notice to it.

 **captainrukiddinme:** that sounds rude as hell dude

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : no but honestly he lights up like the moon whenever one of us talks to him 

 **alibaba:** i met him with akira once

 **alibaba:** he has sad dick energy

 **captainrukiddinme:** tf is that

 **alibaba:** it's like big dick energy but for sad ppl....

 **joker:** Don't talk to me or my son ever again.

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : oh god

 **captainrukiddinme:** he's the kinda person who gets selected for the play but only ever gets the role of a tree or a bush or smthng 

 **alibaba:** ajsajskas 

 **alibaba:** u know what

 **alibaba:** where are the adoption papers

 **Makoto Nijima:** I'm sure his parents take perfectly good care of him.

 **joker:** I will legitimately fight his parents i don't give a shit

 **joker:** I will challenge them to a dual atop a lightning spire

 **Makoto Nijima:** You will do no such thing.  

 **joker:** All I'm saying is, Mishima Yuuki deserves to feel loved and appreciated. 

 **joker:** Now who's with me?

 **Makoto Nijima:** As long as you promise not to track down his parents and threaten the custody of their son.

 **captainrukiddinme:** i can invite him to come to the gym with us tomorrow after school 

 **captainrukiddinme:** and ann can go on a date with him

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i absolutely will not

 **joker:** Didn't you tell me he was cute once?

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : yea

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : cute like a hamster

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : not like someone i would date

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : plus i have gf??? 

 **joker:** Oh, right. Don't cheat on Shiho. That would be wrong.

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : dw, i wasn't planning on it 

 **joker:** Maybe Yusuke will go on a date with him

 **captainrukiddinme:** does he even like guys??

 **joker:** I don't know

 **captainrukiddinme:** how about u go on a date w/ him akira

 **joker:** I can't

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : why not

 **joker:** Because I'm his father???

 **captainrukiddinme:** riiighttt

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : just tell him to stop being so starstruck around us and we'll get along just fine

 **joker:** That's only gonna happen through intense exposure therapy. 

 **Makoto Nijima:** Of course. We have to make him realise that we're just regular people, not the aloof and untouchable Phantom Thieves. 

 **captainrukiddinme:** am i supposed to know what aloof means

 **joker:** I like to think of it as a synonym for cool.

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : you're both hopeless

 **alibaba:** literally i saw akira drop mustard down the collar of his shirt and then proceed to try and lick it off with his tongue 

 **joker:**  My head was bent at a very painful angle

 **Makoto Nijima:** I can imagine. 

 **captainrukiddinme:** man i would've paid to witness that

 **alibaba:** how about the next best thing

 **Makoto Nijima:** Do you happen to have a picture?

 **alibaba:** i sure do

 **alibaba:** behold!

 **alibaba:** ocular evidence of akira being an utter and complete dork

_alibaba sent a photo_

**captainrukiddinme:** i'm cackling

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : omgg u look like a demented frog 

 **captainrukiddinme:** damn akira i didn't know ur tongue was so long

 **joker:** What was that about my tongue?

 **Makoto Nijima:** What a strange observation. 

 **captainrukiddinme:** let's just admit it... none of us are cool 

 **alibaba:** speak for urselves

 **alibaba:** i'm the epitome of cool

 **captainrukiddinme:** sure futaba 

 **captainrukiddinme:** yesterday u spent 5 whole minutes trying to hack a gumball machine 

 **alibaba:** well yeah

 **alibaba:** it's all a part of my master plan

 **alibaba:** i'm starting a revolution against overpriced candy

 **joker:** Guys.

 **joker:** I just realised something.

 **captainrukiddinme:** what

 **joker:** Mishima might actually be cooler than us.  
 

 **captainrukiddinme:** hey whats up

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : wondering why i'm still in jeans

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i've been home for four hours

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : my comfort levels are crucially low rn

 **Makoto Nijima:** What's wrong with jeans?

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : they stick to my skin and it's uncomfortable

 **captainrukiddinme:** u could just wear baggy jeans

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : yOU cOulD jUSt wEAR bAgGY jEaNS 

 **captainrukiddinme:**  what

 **Makoto Nijima:** I see, I am partial to skirts myself.

 **alibaba:** i'm currently destroying some 12 y/os at fortnite 

 **captainrukiddinme:**  lol fuck i hate that game

 **alibaba:** why

 **alibaba:** it's gr8

 **Makoto Nijima:** Fort... Nite?

 **alibaba:** it's a free online first person shooter game 

 **alibaba:** it's like if mindcraft and pubg had a baby

 **Makoto Nijima:** I'm afraid I do not know what either of those are.

 **captainrukiddinme:**  dude no i die within 2 seconds every time i try and play

 **captainrukiddinme:**  half the time someone will kill me before i even have a chance to find a weapon

 **captainrukiddinme:**  or the storm fucking raws me and that's that

 **captainrukiddinme:**  and the map is so bloody huge i dunno how anyone navigates

 **captainrukiddinme:** and everyone else gets to the best equipment before me anyway

 **captainrukiddinme:**  and i can't build anything ever because i'm too busy trying not to get shot

 **alibaba:** you just don't understand the controls cuz ur a noob

 **alibaba:** i'm practically a god at this

 **alibaba:** i'll livestream my next victory royale and u can observe how i play

 **captainrukiddinme:**  nO thANKS

 **captainrukiddinme:**  plus i'm poor so if i wanna play i have to come over to akira's n use his laptop

 **captainrukiddinme:** which is ancient and lags like a bitch idk how he ever gets anything done on it

 **Makoto Nijima:** I hate to interrupt your seemingly important conversation, but has anyone heard from Yusuke in the past two days?

 **captainrukiddinme:**  nup

 **captainrukiddinme:**  i don't even think i've seen him online on the other chat/

 **Makoto Nijima:** I see. That's a bit... Concerning, isn't it?

 **captainrukiddinme:**  why

 **alibaba:** yep this is inari we're talking about

 **alibaba:** he'll resurface

 **alibaba:** like a cockroach 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : he's probably just on one of his art highs 

 **Makoto Nijima:** Art highs...?

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : that's when he locks himself up in his 'atelier' and refuses to see sunlight until he's finished with whatever he's maniacally painting

 **captainrukiddinme:**  it happens at least thrice a month

 **Makoto Nijima:** Yusuke is truly quite passionate.

 **alibaba:** i just think he's weird

 **captainrukiddinme:**  have akira call a thieves meeting i bet he'll show up

 **alibaba:** guess who just woke from his two-day slumber

 _Roses are red, violets are blue,_ **Yusuke Kitagawa** _joined this server with you._

 **alibaba:** or rather, i blew up his phone until he paid attention to me

 **joker:** Hi sleeping beauty

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** I DEEPLY APOLOGISE FOR MY ABSENCE, EVERYONE.

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** I AM ABHORRED BY MY OWN LACK OF ASSIDUITY!

 **captainrukiddinme:**  ass... what?

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** HOWEVER, I MUST ADMIT THAT MY BRIEF HIATUS WAS UNINTENTIONAL. 

 **captainrukiddinme:**  whoa that's ok man

 **captainrukiddinme:** u can chill out now...

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** I WAS PLAYING ONE OF THE LEADS FOR OUR SCHOOL'S REIMAGINING OF THE RENOWNED 'HAMLET' BY SHAKESPEARE 

 **Makoto Nijima:** Wow, Yusuke. I didn't know you were into theatre. That's really impressive. 

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** INDEED I AM QUITE THE THESPIAN! 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i can't believe u didn't invite us to the show

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** THOUGH, HONESTLY, THAT IS AN ASPECT OF MY LIFE THAT I AM ADMITTEDLY A LITTLE HESITANT ABOUT SHARING.

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** IT IS NOW CONCLUDED. THE PLAY WAS A SUCCESS, HOWEVER THE ENTIRE CREW ENDED UP GETTING FOOD POISONING FROM THE REPREHENSIBLE CATERING.

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** HENCE, I MUST CONFESS THAT I HAVE BEEN THROWING UP INCESSANTLY FOR TWO DAYS.

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** MY APPETITE HAS ONLY RECENTLY RETURNED. 

 **captainrukiddinme:** damn

 **captainrukiddinme:** hope u feel better soon man

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : hey yusuke, why are u screaming?

 **alibaba:** oh about that

 **alibaba:** i'm pretty sure he accidentally turned his caps lock on and now has no idea how to turn it back off

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : why don't u just tell him how

 **alibaba:** cuz it's funny

 **captainrukiddinme:** why doesn't he just google how

 **alibaba:** cuz he's an old man trapped in a teenager's body

 **alibaba:** which means technology hates him

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** UNTRUE.

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** I WORKED MY MICROWAVE BEAUTIFULLY THIS MORNING.

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : ooo what were u cooking

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** TAIYAKI.

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : my mouth's watering just thinking about it

 **alibaba:**  yupppp inari's an old man pass it on

 **joker:** I second that. ^

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** AKIRA HELLO,

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** IT IS PLEASING TO HEAR FROM YOU AS IT HAS BEEN QUITE SOME TIME.

 **joker:** It's been like barely 2 days, Yusuke

 **joker:** But I missed you, too

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** NOW, FUTABA'S COMMENTARY ON MY NATURE.

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** I FIND IT DIFFICULT TO ASCERTAIN WHETHER THAT WAS MEANT AS A FORM OF COMPLIMENT OR NOT.

 **alibaba:** not

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** YOU ARE QUITE THE SHREWD YOUNG GIRL.

 **captainrukiddinme:** lmfaoaooo

 **alibaba:** i'm sorry i hurt ur feelings grandpa

 **Makoto Nijima:** Come on now guys, let's stop bullying Yusuke.

 **alibaba:** NEVERRRRR

 **Makoto Nijima:** Would you like for me to explain to you on private chat how to revert your Caps Lock settings?

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** THAT WOULD BE A DELIGHT, THANK YOU, MAKOTO.

 **Makoto Nijima:** You're very welcome.

 **alibaba:**  makoto more like momkoto

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : ok so if makoto's the mum and yusuke's the grandpa,,,

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : who's the father??

 **captainrukiddinme:** idk i get more of a creepy uncle vibe from yusuke tbh

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:**  WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE THAT WOULD CONSTITUTE AS CREEPY?

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : uhhh... ask me to be your nude model???

 **captainrukiddinme:** smuggle a pair of random lobsters you found in hawaii back home w/ u without getting caught somehow??

 **alibaba:** ur thief costume is literally a fur suit

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:**  SOUNDS PERFECTLY NORMAL TO ME.

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:**  IN FACT, I WOULD GO AS FAR AS TO SAY THOSE ARE ALL AGGRESSIVELY NON-CREEPY ACTIONS.

 **captainrukiddinme:** pfffttt whatever u say buddy...... whatever u say

 **alibaba:** anyway ann's the cool aunt

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : that makes me sound old 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : why can't i be the cool elder sister?

 **captainrukiddinme:** what about me?

 **alibaba:** hmmmmm... ur the annoying cousin for sure

 **captainrukiddinme:** bullshit

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : no actually i think that's accurate

 **captainrukiddinme:** u too ann >:(

 **joker:** i'm obviously the dad

 **captainrukiddinme:** haru's the 2nd mom

 **joker:** Or the really nice next door neighbour who everyone likes because she always bakes cookies and pies and stuff 

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** With Makoto's generous help,I have fixed the discrepancy. 

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** Once again, thank you for coming to my aid.

 **Makoto Nijima:** Don't mention it.

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : thank god

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : now it won't feel like ur yelling at us

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** I apologise for that.

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : it's cool

 **Makoto Nijima:**  You know, Haru could just be someone's adorable girlfriend. 

 **Makoto Nijima:**  The mom's, in particular, perhaps.

 **joker:** holy shit

 **alibaba:** holy shit 

 **captainrukiddinme:** holy shit

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i can't decide if that was super smooth 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : or super bold

 **captainrukiddinme:** or both???

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : did makoto just ask haru out ?!

 **alibaba:** she's not even here tho

 **Makoto Nijima:**  I admit that would've been an intriguing way to ask somebody out, but I am not that audacious. 

 **Makoto Nijima:**  Actually, Haru and I have been dating for about a week now.

 **alibaba:** �(ﾟ□ﾟ*川

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : what

 **joker:** what

 **captainrukiddinme:** what

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** Please hold on a moment.

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** Why am I creepy again?


	2. sugar daddy's day out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> phantom menace: I'd risk it  
> phantom menace: I'd risk a mental shutdown to get laid

**crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : good morning everyone!

 **captainrukiddinme:** it’s a terrible morning

 **captainrukiddinme:** if u ever wondered what hell looks like it’s ur mom waking u up at 7 in the morning to feed the damn cats and unload the dishwasher bc apparently she straight up forgot last night

 **joker:** DID SOMEONE SAY CATS

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : you brought forth the cat mum in him

 **joker:** RYUJI I NEED NEW PICTURES OF YOUR CATS

 **captainrukiddinme:** i sent u like 7 last night

 **joker:** M O R E

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : satiate this impregnable beast already

 **captainrukiddinme:** fine

_captainrukiddinme sent a photo_

**joker:** WOULD YOU LOOK AT THESE PRECIOUS BABIES

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : awww!!! 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : why do they look like they're wrestling tho

 **joker:** They're like a pair of spanish conquistadors 

 **captainrukiddinme:** uhhh bc they hate each other's guts?

 **captainrukiddinme:** they're literally always fighting

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i ship it

 **captainrukiddinme:** pls don't ship my pets 

 **captainrukiddinme:** like pls it's all i ask 

 **captainrukiddinme:** well i guess they're my mom's pets technically

 **captainrukiddinme:** i'm more of a dog guy

 **joker:** Shhhh don't let your cats hear you 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : you have morgana u kno

 **joker:** Yeah but Morgana's... Morgana

 **joker:** It's different

 **joker:** Ow!!

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : did morgana just claw at u for saying that

 **joker:** Yep

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : thought so

 **joker:** He's the one who insists on not being categorised as a cat, and when I oblige he goes and scratches me

 **joker:** I can never win

 **joker:** ANYWAYTHIS IS TRULY THE CONTENT I SIGNED UP FOR

 **captainrukiddinme:** srsly 

 **captainrukiddinme:** akira keeps buying them shit too

 **captainrukiddinme:** he's like a sugar daddy but for cats

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : ogmygod hh 

 **joker:** You're just jelly because I didn't get you anything

 **captainrukiddinme:** ofc i fucking am

 **captainrukiddinme:** u could've at least stopped by big bang burger n gotten me a deluxe meal or somethin

 **captainrukiddinme:** ann named the left one btw

 **captainrukiddinme:** it's cronch and miss marilyn meow 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i still can't believe u named one of ur cats after a fucking stale meme

 **captainrukiddinme:** he luvs the cronch

 **captainrukiddinme:** srsly tho he has one front tooth that sticks out n he has rekt all of my socks with it

 **captainrukiddinme:** don't underestimate the power of the cronch 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : it's still early hours

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : pls stop

 **joker:** This has watered my crops and cleared my skin. Thank you

 **joker:**  Anyway I'll be back, i gotta go feed my not-cat and brush my teeth

 **captainrukiddinme:** anyway i was subjected to housework after a shitty whopping total of 2 hours of s l eep

 **captainrukiddinme:** i live under a strict dictatorship

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : quit being such a baby

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : akira’s hold up in an old man’s attic

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : MORGANA’S BED IS LITERALLY AKIRA?

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : and poor yusuke probably sleeps in a tiny shack somewhere 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : or even worse, he’s like one of those people on the news who turns out was living in ur walls or something for 3 months without u noticing

 **captainrukiddinme:** lol wouldn’t put it past him tbh

 **captainrukiddinme:** akira check ur walls 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : why does that sound disturbing without context 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : anyway sometimes i actually kinda feel like one of us needs to sponsor yusuke 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : he’s like constantly broke

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i mean so am i but at least i get an allowance

 **captainrukiddinme:** u just blow it on food

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : what else am i supposed to blow it on?

 **captainrukiddinme:** now THAT’S disturbing without context

 **captainrukiddinme:** anyway i mean...  at least he’s got that struggling artist aesthetic down to a tee right?  

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : :/

 **captainrukiddinme:** fine i’ll quit bitching

 **captainrukiddinme:** but it still sucks ass

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i mean i guess

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i hate the rain

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : asides from stirring up my allergies it literally inflicts slow death on my hair

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : shiho and i got caught up in it on our way back from the theatre yesterday and i looked like a wet poodle it was awful

 **captainrukiddinme:** k but i’m not talking about the rain

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : did something else happen?

  **captainrukiddinme:** well first of all i sprained my stupid ankle while out for a jog last night

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : exercise! gross! (>３<）三  

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : but pls continue

 **captainrukiddinme:** I HURT MYSELF ON A FREAKING JOG?!

 **captainrukiddinme:** what am i, 67?

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : that explains a lot actually 

 **captainrukiddinme:** Annnnnnn

 **captainrukiddinme:** you’re s’posed to be making me feel better 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : sry sry

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : your leg is still… injured, remember?

  **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : just go easy on it u’ll be ok

 **captainrukiddinme:** like i can forget 

 **captainrukiddinme:** dammit!

 **captainrukiddinme:** i’m gonna go kick a pedestrian sign down 

 **captainrukiddinme:** or maybe i’ll just kick a pedestrian

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : definitely don’t do that

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : do you need to be treated to a therapeutic meme? 

 **captainrukiddinme:** yes please

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvuNXblcK14>

**captainrukiddinme:** HOLY SHIT KDSOIJKDSDKW

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : ikr

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : futaba sent it earlier but u were asleep n i know ur too lazy to back read

 **captainrukiddinme:** what even is that from

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : idk but i've been laughing for 7 years

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : she's a wolf in mouse's clothing.........

 **captainrukiddinme:** the mOuse's ghOSTLY hOWL 

 **captainrukiddinme:** i'm fcukinfg deceased

 **captainrukiddinme:** i can't stop rewatching it

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : it's like a drug isn't it

 **captainrukiddinme:** i just spat out my mountain dew

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : you're drinking mountain dew? at this hour?

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : no wait

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : why are u drinking mountain dew at all 

 **captainrukiddinme:** what's wrong with mountain dew

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : umm it's literally highlighter liquid 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i'm surprised ppl who drink it don't get like,,,, radiation poisoning

 **captainrukiddinme:** i'm sorry but mountain dew is fantastic 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : that's just the mountain dew infiltrating ur brain 

 **captainrukiddinme:** sheer ignorance 

 **captainrukiddinme:** anyway thanks that helped a lil…

 **captainrukiddinme:** but on top of everything fuCKIng akira’s ditching school today

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : wait we aren’t even at school yet, how do you know that?

 **captainrukiddinme:** akira and i are sort of telepathically connected

 **captainrukiddinme:** so i can just tell

 **captainrukiddinme:** which means he won’t skip sixth period with me today

 **captainrukiddinme:** and obviously i’m not skipping by myself bc fuck no

 **captainrukiddinme:** what’ll i even do?

 **captainrukiddinme:** get ramen just for one?

 **captainrukiddinme:** actually that doesn’t sound like a bad idea…

 **captainrukiddinme:** pity ramen

 **captainrukiddinme:** a ramen pity party for one

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** :  so you’re the reason i have to suffer through that class all by myself 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : u and i are gonna have a lil talk later on 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : u need to learn to share  

 **captainrukiddinme:** share akira? w/ u? hhhhh

 **captainrukiddinme:** nahhh

 _It's a bird! It's a plane! Nevermind, it's just_ **fleur** **❀**  

 **captainrukiddinme:** ohoho someone new’s here

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : fleur?  

 **captainrukiddinme:** tf is that s’pposed to mean

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : it means flower in french, dumbass

 **captainrukiddinme:** [ huh/ ](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/a2TGs_n_fn8/hqdefault.jpg)

**fleur** **❀:** Hello. Um, this is Haru, by the way.

 **captainrukiddinme:** ayyyeee it’s haru!!!

 **Isaac BOT** : _welcome to the void_ **@haruokumura**  

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : hey!! thank u for sparing me another moment alone with this idiot

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : noir, fleur

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : wow haru you really have a thing for the french language huh

 **fleur** **❀:** Indeed.

 **fleur** **❀:** Now let me see… Ann, you must be crepes. 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : guilty :3 

 **fleur** **❀:** And… The play of words on your persona’s name… **@captainrukiddinme** Are you, by chance, Ryuji?

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i’m impressed

 **captainrukiddinme:** are we really that easy to figure out 

 **fleur** **❀:** How would you like me to answer that?

 **captainrukiddinme:** damn it we ain’t slick

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : now we’re only really missing yusuke and makoto

 **fleur** **❀:** Aren’t we forgetting Morgana?

 **captainrukiddinme:** it’s not like the cat can type lol

 **fleur** **❀:** I’m sure he still reads the chat, and I believe that it’s only right to include him from time to time. He is a member of the phantom thieves as well, after all.

 **joker:** Technically I’m THE member, I mean, I’m the one who taught these morons how to effectively make use of their powers in the first place - M

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : he has risen!

 **captainrukiddinme:** akira u better get ur fine ass to school or i s2g

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : fine ass

 **joker:** ‘fine ass’ 

 **joker:** Where do u think flattery will get u? 

 **joker:** Everywhere, actually. It’ll get you everywhere

 **joker:** Sojiro wanted me to stay home and help out downstairs today since he’s feeling kind of under the weather but i’ll see if i can bribe futaba into doing it instead

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : family comes first  

 **joker:** my temporary dad vs my blonde punk hmmm

 **captainrukiddinme:** i’m ur what now

 **joker:** Some guy I was passing by on the street once called you a blonde punk, so I got mad and basically defended your honor

 **joker:** By telling him that you may be a blonde punk, but you’re _my_ blonde punk. 

 **fleur** **❀:** Aww. That’s kind of sweet!

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : that’s kind of gay is what it is

 **joker:** If you haven’t noticed panther, I’m kind of gay.

 **alibaba:** [ur welcome fuckos](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxLz5aWl4Mg) 

 _How will we ever live without you_ @ **alibaba**  

 **captainrukiddinme:** did futaba srsly just pop in to drop that on us and leave?

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i’m a lil scared to click it but here goes

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** :  **…** ohhhmmyygaughdsjss 

 **captainrukiddinme:** wHATthefuck 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : why are the lyrics actually catchy? xD

 **captainrukiddinme:** jajajajaajajaja im gonna mcfcukin ch0ke

 **joker:** I need that song as my ringtone, my alarm, and eventually played at my funeral.  

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : oh and for the record joker it’s impossible not to notice 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i’ve caught u checking out fox’s ass while u think he isn’t paying attention one too many times for that 

 **captainrukiddinme:** to be fair though, he’s got a nice ass

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : true but i feel like we’re objectifying him now

 **joker:** Tbh I'd pay good money for that ass

 **joker:** Do you guys think Yusuke would let me if I pay his rent for a couple months?

 **joker:** Because I'm willing.

 **captainrukiddinme:** saksdmldk akira control ur thirst 

 **joker:** I'm just branching out, as any respectable sugar daddy should. 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : ok stop it u guys

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : don’t scare haru away when she only just got here

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i promise we’re not always like this, haru

 **captainrukiddinme:** heywhythefuckulyin whyualwayslyin mmmmoHMygod stopfuckinlyinnnn

 **captainrukiddinme:** we’re p much always like this

 **fleur** **❀:** I must agree.

 **joker:** Wait what

 **fleur** **❀:** I must admit I can see the appeal. Yusuke is really quite pretty, isn't he?  

 **captainrukiddinme:** oh my god Haru!!!!! so that’s ur type? 

 **fleur** **❀:** I suppose, I’m pansexual, so I feel as though plenty of people fall under my type. 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : (◯Δ◯∥) 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : (゜ロ゜) 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : ( ʘ̆ ╭͜ʖ╮ ʘ̆ )

 **captainrukiddinme:** haru……. i just wanna let u know that u might’ve just broken ann with that statement 

 **fleur** **❀:** That was certainly not my intention. Why, though? Ann, is everything okay? 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : Σ(▼□▼ﾒ)

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : ajakhskask noooooo it’s jsut 

 **captainrukiddinme:** someone call the paramedics to check if she’s still alive

 _A wild_ **alibaba** _has appeared!_

 **alibaba:** ann.exe has stopped working

 **captainrukiddinme:** can u stop popping in and out of the chat goddamn

 **alibaba:** mind ur own beeswax blondie 

 **joker:** It’s like watching a kid on christmas morning :’)

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : i have… a pan pal!?!?!

 **fleur** **❀:** I see… It has quite a nice ring to it.

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : ARE WE OFFICIALLY PAN PALS THEN?

 **fleur** **❀:** Officially pan pals! (⌬̀⌄⌬́) 

 **joker:** I’m so glad you two have found each other.

 **captainrukiddinme:** yea it’s all very heartwarming akIRA R U COMIN TO SCHOOL????

 **joker:** Oh, right. Futaba, do you think you can be on LeBlanc duty today? 

 **alibaba:** fuck no and hell no 

 **alibaba:** i may have managed some trips to akihabara but i am NOT ready to man a cafe all by myself 

 **alibaba:** plus, i’ve got a new anime i gotta binge and those are my plans for the day

 **joker:** Sorry, Ryuji. Looks like I gotta stick around and babysit. 

 **captainrukiddinme:** shit damn it 

 **fleur** **❀:** Why so, Futaba-chan?

 **alibaba:** hehehehe bc anxiety

 **alibaba:** anywhere that contains the mere prospect of more than a handful of humans is a no-go

 **alibaba:** statistically speaking there’s a solid 75% chance that overexposure to crowds might actually make me spontaneously combust

 **fleur** **❀:** I completely understand.

 **captainrukiddinme:** but boss’ cafe is like always empty 

 **alibaba:** what if today's the day the cafe gets a random popularity boost and suddenly its crowded

 **captainrukiddinme:** unlikely?

 **alibaba:** U NEVER KNOW

 **alibaba:** aND handling a cafe all by urself is an exECUTIVE positiON for exECUTIve ppl

 **alibaba:** i don’t know if u’ve noticed numbskull, but i’m not an execuTIVE PERSON ok!

 **captainrukiddinme:** what did u call me!? 

 **alibaba:** u wanna fcukin go binch?

 **alibaba:** i will kick ur ass in the desert 

 **captainrukiddinme:** i will kick ur ass right here rn come @ me 

 **alibaba:** i will leak every embarrassing tidbit of information u have on ur phone ryuji don’t test me 

 **alibaba:** and the sappy texts u send to ur mum when she’s out on a business trip and you’re missing her

 **alibaba:** and all the secret pics u take of akira

 **joker:** Back up a minute. You have secret pictures of me?

 **captainrukiddinme:** kaaahsHKSKDHDJ

 **captainrukiddinme:** i don’t i swear SHE LIES

 **captainrukiddinme:** SHE LIES I TELL U

 **alibaba:** that's the panicked reaction of a guilty man if i've ever seen one 

 **alibaba:** he has a whole album 

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : a whole album?!

 **joker:** Aww, Ryuji, do you have a crush on me?

 **captainrukiddinme:** i don’t got a crush on anyone shuddhup…!

 **alibaba:** huhuhihu someone’s Gay is showing

 **captainrukiddinme:** shut up u … u!!! 

 **captainrukiddinme:** u shortstack! 

 **alibaba:** ooo i’m so offended (Not).

 **fleur** **❀:** Can we all just play nice with each other?

 **joker:** I recommend just riding it out.

 **fleur** **❀:** Are you sure, leader? Shouldn’t you be breaking up in-fights? 

 **joker:** ehhhhh it’s free entertainment

 **joker:** And frankly this is nothing

 **joker:** You should see futaba and yusuke having it out 

 **alibaba:** check this out guys 

 **captainrukiddinme** ’s _nickname is now_ **numbskull**

 **alibaba:** MWAHAHAHA COWER BEFORE ME U FOOLS

 **alibaba:** REVENGEEE TASTES HOT AND SPICY 

 **joker:** That’s so petty

 **joker:** I love it. 

 **numbskull:** what the hell!? 

 **numbskull:** how’d you do that?! 

 **numbskull:** change it back!?

 **numbskull:** why can’t i change my own name back?! 

 **numbskull:** what sorcery ahkdsj

 **alibaba:** i tampered with the discord settings

 **alibaba:** so i can set group names and disc handles for everyone now

 **alibaba:** this is my sacred territory

 **alibaba:** everything i say goes

 **numbskull:** no this is fcukin anarchy

**joker:**

**┏┓**

**┃┃╱╲ in**

**┃╱╱╲╲ this**

**╱╱╭╮╲╲house**

**▔▏┗┛▕▔ we**

**╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲**

**[support anarchy]**

**╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲**

**▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕**

**crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** : akira literally wtf

 **crepes (｡♥‿♥｡)** :  did u just have that at the ready or something

 **joker:** a phantom thief must never reveal his secrets

 **fleur** **❀:** I was under the impression that was magicians.

 **numbskull:** i hate all of u

 **numbskull:** not u tho haru ur an angel and we’re glad ur here 

 **fleur** **❀:** Why, thank you. (´∀`) 

 **numbskull:** i hate the rest of u sadistic fucks  
  
**joker:** We love you too, Ryuji

 

 **alibaba** ' _s nickname is now_ **charmander**

 **joker:**  You've reduced us to pokemon references now, really?

 **charmander:** why fuckin nott

 **joker:** Why charmander though?

 **charmander:** he's the same colour as my hair

 **joker:** Sounds legit

 **charmander:** thank u thank u

 **Makoto Nijima:** Hey, we're still in class. Quit texting and pay attention.

 **charmander:** get schooled 

 **joker:** Sorry, sorry.

 **Makoto Nijima:** But Makoto... Aren't you texting too, in order to ask me not to text?

 **joker:** Seems like a paradox.

 **charmander:** oooo

 **charmander:** you shouldn't sacrifice ur student council prez cred like that

 **Makoto Nijima:** That's...

 **Makoto Nijima:** I'm only trying to look out for you.

 **joker:** Okay now I feel bad

 **Makoto Nijima:** Good.

 **charmander:** maaaan i love the NEET life (￣▼￣)  
  


**joker:**  Hey, I don't mean to alarm anyone but...

 **joker:** I think the guy who sits behind me in class knows about us

 **joker:** Or well… at least about me

 **Makoto Nijima:** Are you absolutely certain?

 **numbskull:** ya how can u be so sure?

 **joker:** Well

 **joker:** You know how Ms. Kawakami will call random teachers to the office every now and again during class? 

 **joker:** And we end up getting a whole chunk of free time?

 **Makoto Nijima:**  Right. That seems to occur quite frequently. What about it?

 **joker:** She does that solely so that I can fuck around in class

 **Makoto Nijima:**  Seriously?

 **joker:** Yeah we've got a good thing going 

 **joker:** Point is, I use that time to work on infiltration tools sometimes... 

 **Makoto Nijima:** Why on earth would you do that in the midst of class, Akira?

 **Makoto Nijima:** Of course that's going to appear suspicious!

 **numbskull:**  yep that's suss as hell 

 **numbskull:**  the class already unanimously thinks that ur like the second coming of the antichrist

 **charmander:** there was a first coming?

 **numbskull:**   he probs just thinks ur even more of a serial killer now

 **joker:** I wasn't thinking, okay?!

 **joker:** Anyway, I think the guy caught me doing it.

 **numbskull:**  duh

 **charmander:** if he has two functioning eyeballs and a brain

 **Makoto Nijima:** Should we be worried?

 **joker:** I'm not sure?

 **joker:** He slipped me a note the other day that said “GET OUT OF MY SCHOOL”

 **charmander:** someone's been watching waaay too much steven universe

 **charmander:** also this may or may not imply he has a crush on u 

 **numbskull:** and then u say I'M the one who's gonna end up blowin our cover smh

 **joker'** _s nickname is now_ **phantom menace**

 **phantom menace:** i regret all my life choices

 **numbskull:**  agshgss the new star wars reboot is looking nice  
  
 

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** Hello.

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:**   Would anyone be interested in accompanying me to the planetarium tonight?

 **Makoto Nijima:** Hi Yusuke.

 **Makoto Nijima:**  I would, but I have plans with my sister tonight.

 **numbskull:** i would but i don't actually want to

 **Makoto Nijima:**  Frankly, I'm concerned that she's overworking herself, so I'm hosting her a little one-on-one intervention. 

 **Makoto Nijima:**  I've booked us for dinner at her favourite seafood restaurant, just to soften the inevitable blow. 

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:**  That is quite daring of you, if I do say so myself.

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:**  Regardless, I wish you luck with your endeavours. 

 **fleur** **❀:** I'm so glad you're trying to patch things up with your sister, Mako Chan! 

 **fleur** **❀:** It's really important to spend time with your family, I didn't realise how little I knew my father until it was too late.

 **Makoto Nijima:**  Haru... 

 **fleur❀:** Don't worry, I'm okay.

 **fleur❀:** I just hope things go well. 

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:**  Well, I spent an ample amount of time with Madarame Sensei, and yet, I never could quite figure out the pompous man behind the deceptive mask. 

 **numbskull:** dude

 **numbskull:** way to be a downer

 **fleur** **❀:** I'm sorry, everyone. I didn't mean to bring down the mood.

 **numbskull:** it's not your fault, haru

 **Makoto Nijima:**  Of course it's not. 

 **Makoto Nijima:**  Would you like to come over, tonight? I could pick you up after I've dropped my sister back home.

 **fleur** **❀:** I would love that.

 **numbskull:** g a y 

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:**  Is there something humorous in pointing out the obvious that I'm not comprehending here? 

 **numbskull:** shhh don't ruin it yusuke

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:**  So, shall I assume nobody would like to join me this evening, then? 

 **phantom menace:** Yusuke!!! Where do you want to go? 

 **phantom menace:**  I'll take you anywhere you want!

 **phantom menace:**  Well... anywhere cheap

 **phantom menace:** And preferably within reasonable driving distance from a konbini 

 **numbskull:** why don't you scroll up

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:**  I was extending an invitation to anyone who would be keen on accompanying me to the planetarium.

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:**  Tokyo can get quite drab at times, and it has been awhile since I have witnessed the stars.

 **phantom menace:**  It all makes sense now

 **numbskull:**??

 **phantom menace:**  So you're the shady weirdo Mishima was getting all worked up about!

 **phantom menace:**  I feel like the guy's started to get a little paranoid, what with all these crazy requests flooding into the phan site lately

 **Makoto Nijima:**  That could very well be the case.

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:**  I... I'm afraid I do not understand?

 **phantom menace:**  People have been complaining about a 'shady character' roaming the planetarium lately and this is just a hunch, but I'm willing to bet ¥5000 that it's you.

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** Very well, then. I accept your bet.

 **numbskull:** do you even have 5000 yen lying around, yusuke

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** Indeed, if I avoid travelling via train for about the next week, and a half. 

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** This might as well be the easiest money I have ever made.

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** I will keep an eye out for this shady character myself, and prove you wrong.

 **phantom menace:** You don't have to do that, Yusuke

 **phantom menace:** You can take the 5000 for free

 **phantom menace:** And my shoes, my wallet, my attic and my cat, too

 **Makoto Nijima:**  I don't think Morgana will take well to the fact that you're willing to sell him off to the highest bidder. 

 **numbskull:** more like anyone who bids, really

 **phantom menace:** I don't have any need for my heart, either.

 **phantom menace:** If you want it, it's all yours, baby.

 **numbskull:** real smooth leader

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** I would never do such a thing to you.

 **numbskull:** pffttt considering we literally steal hearts, are u really surprised that backfired?

 **phantom menace:** I'd risk it

 **phantom menace:** I'd risk a mental shutdown to get laid

 **phantom menace:** I'm already halfway there tbh.... just like, half-brain dead, at all times.

 **Makoto Nijima:** Trust me, we believe you.

 **phantom menace:**  Anyway, I'll join you if nobody else wants to.

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:**  That would be lovely.

 **phantom menace:**  Then it's a date!

 **fleur** **❀:** We could make it a double date.

 **phantom menace:**  The more the merrier

 **numbskull:** honestly what the f cuk is happening???

 **numbskull:** and that sounds like an orgy

 **Makoto Nijima:** Um, Haru, I don't think that'll be quite necessary... 

 **fleur** **❀:** Why so?

 **phantom menace:**  I think what she's trying to say is that I'm literally a walking talking turn off so she doesn't want me around during your date

 **Makoto Nijima:** Not exactly I just... I was hoping we could spend some quality time, together. 

 **Makoto Nijima:** Just the two of us, you know?

 **fleur** **❀:** Oh.

 **fleur** **❀:** I like that idea, as well. I'm sorry, Mako Chan. I hope I didn't come across as avoidant!

 **Makoto Nijima:** Not at all. I'm sorry if I came across as too forward... 

 **numbskull:** welp

 **numbskull:** this is uncomfortable

 **phantom menace:**  Can you guys stop apologising to each other and make out already? Geez 

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:**  It was very courteous of you to ask, but I too, believe the two of you should carry on without us.

 **Makoto Nijima:** Will do. Thank you for understanding, Yusuke, Akira. 

 **Makoto Nijima:** A raincheck, perhaps?

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:**  Of course.

 **phantom menace:** Then it's all settled!

 **phantom menace:** There's only one problem

 **phantom menace:** Yusuke, are you gonna crash at my place tonight?

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** I don't believe that is necessary, however if there is anything you would like to discuss with me, I would be happy to.

 **phantom menace:** Nvm, then

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** Why?

 **numbskull:** what is it

 **phantom menace:** Nothing it's just... If I do ever go on a date with someone, I can't bring them home

 **numbskull:** is it cuz ur attic smells like cat hair, mold and expired coffee beans?

 **phantom menace:** Shit, does it really?

 **charmander:** hey bitches! i'm here

 **charmander:** what's going on??

 **numbskull:** yup. but it's not too bad

 **phantom menace:** Are you kidding? What do I say? Oh yeah, I live upstairs in an attic, but I'm not a creep I promise?

 **phantom menace:** I can't bring anyone home to this

 **phantom menace:** Plus I think this place is haunted

 **phantom menace:** I hear strange growls at night

 **Makoto Nijima:** Are you sure that isn't just Morgana?

 **phantom menace:** Morgana hears them too

 **numbskull:** call a fucking priest 

 **numbskull:** call the ghostbusters

 **numbskull:** call those funny dudes from buzzfeed unsolved 

 **fleur** **❀:** I'm sorry... An attic?

 **charmander:** it's his room

 **charmander:** it's his rattic

 **phantom menace:** n o

 **charmander:** rattic

 **phantom menace:** stop

 **charmander:** it's an attic, that doubles as akira's room

 **charmander:** it's a rattic

 **numbskull:** lmao

 **numbskull:** maybe it's the ghosts of all the personas u fuckinf slaughtered coming back to haunt ur ass 

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** That is a distinct possibility. 

 **phantom menace:** shit 

 **phantom menace:** u probably right 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave me a comment if you're enjoying it so far ^_^

**Author's Note:**

> is this fandom even still alive i might be late af to this????


End file.
